I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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