He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
