I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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