that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
