I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
