hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
