I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
