help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
