my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
