I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
