Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
