I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i dont even know how to be here
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize