i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
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