Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
