My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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