You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
