I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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