So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
