all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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