you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
