operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
