Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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