Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
