i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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