rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
