just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
