Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
