so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
