What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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