'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
No subtext here. People are naked.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
