Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Randomize
