i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
