The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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