im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
