Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize