so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
