somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
