she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
