4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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