saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Welp...herpes.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
