she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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