mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
