I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
