haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
