I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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