Can Purell be used as lube?
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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