Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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