I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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