I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
