I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
