Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
