with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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