Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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