you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
