mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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