NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
