On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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