would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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