Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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