Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
