You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
