I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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