Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize