I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
